10

It doesn’t require being much of a music aficionado to remember the song “Feelings” by Morris Albert written back in 1975. As a boy, this song was the catalyst that drove me to contemplate my feelings for Kelly, the girl of my boyhood affections, every time the song came on the radio or was replayed in my daydreams. This song went on to become the theme of many proms and school formals over the years. I don’t know if those feelings for Kelly were ever reciprocated, but what I do know “for sure” is that those feelings were quite real and sometimes very painful for me to cope with in the company of my peers, and especially in the privacy of my own thoughts.

 

Unfortunately, in many instances, feelings have been hailed as the cultural standard by which to judge right and wrong behavior. “If it feels good…..do it”, has become a prevailing mentality and a time-honored theme of the culture we live in.

 

Our feelings are vitally important to us to be sure. It is our feelings that inform us when something is wrong or when we experience pain. It is also our feelings that express happiness, loneliness, excitement, and a whole litany of other life experiences. One of the problems associated with our feelings is that they are always subject to change and therefore, cannot be completely trusted. We may feel like we are in love with the person next to us one day, and then feel like sending them off into space the next day! Our feelings may be a good indicator that something is good or bad for us; but they are a very poor standard when used alone to determine whether something is actually good or bad for us. Our feelings have the ability to work well for us when making decisions, but can become very hazardous to employ as our boss.

 

Perhaps one of the most difficult and painful struggles facing adolescents is their ability, or

inability, to successfully handle their everyday feelings. Acting on feelings alone can sometimes produce devastating results. Especially in the life of an adolescent who may be experiencing confusion because of mixed feelings that he/she is unable to sort out.   Some elements of their market-driven culture may partially influence them to think that their feelings are the only navigational and decision-making tool available to them.

 

It is paramount that young people understand both the importance and legitimacy of their feelings, as well as the potential dangers of acting on them without careful consideration.

 

Help them to Recognize that ALL of their feelings are legitimate.  The painful feelings associated with a break-up, a bad grade or peer pressure is real. The excited feelings experienced in close proximity of a boy/girl relationship can lead to sexual promiscuity, regret, disease and even pregnancy. Help them to recognize that these feelings in and of themselves are not necessarily wrong, but can be wrong-headed if not carefully considered.

 

Help them to Understand that decision-making based on feelings alone is unwise. It is also best to consider the truthfulness, logical consistency and long-term workability of the decisions they make in their own lives because their decisions affect the lives of others as well as themselves.

 

Teach them to Listen carefully to voices of wisdom. This is a toughie because teaching them to discern a true voice of wisdom may be just as difficult as following the wisdom itself. It is a good idea to steer a struggling kid in the direction of people who YOU trust and share the same worldview with.    It is wise to encourage them to elicit advice from parents and other experienced